Bridge From Childhood
by Roses-N-Runways
Summary: Miss Edmunds, a beautiful young music teacher, knew that Jess Aarons thought he was in love with her. But what she didn't know… is that she loved him back.
1. Chapter 1: How Did I Never See

Miss Edmunds, a beautiful young music teacher, knew that Jess Aarons thought he was in love with her. But what she didn't know is that she loved him back.

Chapter 1.

How Did I Never See.

Miss Edmunds knew Jess had a crush on her. She had known it all year. The quiet boy looked at her with such intensity, a mixture of adoration and loneliness that tore at her.

But she never realized that she loved him back until one afternoon when a rope broke over a stream and killed a little girl named Leslie Burke. The incident broke Jess's heart and brought his childhood to an abrupt end.

It was after the funeral, and after the school year, that it happened. Jess would be moving up to the middle school now, and Miss Edmunds would no longer be his teacher. She was sad about that, now that she had gotten to know him better and saw what talent he had. She knew she would miss him more than the other students.

As the last day of school ended, Miss Edmunds came across jess in the parking lot. He was sitting on a large rock with his sketch pad on his lap. He wasn't drawing, he looked as if he had been, but he had stopped and was gazing out across the parking lot, staring at nothing. Miss Edmunds went over to him, her only intent to wish him well for moving up to middle school.

"Jess?" Miss Edmunds said, smiling at the boy.

He snapped to attention and scrambled down from the rock.

"I just wanted to say good luck for next year…I know you'll do very well at the middle school. You have a lot of talent."

Jess blushed. "Thanks," he mumbled, looking down. Since the accident, Jess had not smiled once that she had seen.

"Could I see that?" Miss Edmunds said, gently taking his sketch pad.

"Ohhh," she breathed out slowly as she came face to face with a beautiful sketch of Leslie's smiling face. Jess had managed to capture the look of mischief that was always in Leslie's shining eyes. What talent the boy had.

She turned the page, and drew her breath in sharply. It was her. There was no doubt. It must have been drawn yesterday, in music class. Jess had seemed not to be paying attention, and since the accident, Miss Edmunds didn't want to push him, so she let him sit quietly at his desk while the rest of the children sat on top of their desks and sang. But now, it seemed, Jess hadn't been doing _nothing_, he had been _creating_. It was Miss Edmunds. She was perched on top of the teacher's desk, guitar on her lap, its strap hanging lazily over her shoulder. Her face smiled out at him, her lips curved and her eyes twinkling.

"Jess….this is…"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, taking back his book.

She knelt down to be eye level to him. "Sorry? Jess, this is…beautiful." She laid her hand on his shoulder. "I'm honored that you drew me. You're a real artist."

Jess turned his face upwards and smiled at her then- his real smile, the one that she saw so rarely, but that seemed to make the whole world brighter.

"Jess…how would you like me to give you a ride home from school?"

Jess stared at her a moment, then nodded. They walked to her car.

In the car they talked about art. But when Jess said, "If my parents could take me, I would like to go to a lot more museums. I wish I could go back to the one we went to when-"

The conversation came to an abrupt halt.

Miss Edmunds had just pulled up the end of the Aarons family's long driveway. She stopped the car and turned to Jess.

"Jess, I know you've had a difficult time since…the accident." She paused to see his reaction. Jess only looked down.

Miss Edmunds reached out and took his hand. "I just want you to know that even though I'm not going to be your teacher anymore, that you can still come talk to me. I'm…I'm going to miss her too." She took a deep breath. "Maybe…maybe you and I _could_ go to those museums you're talking about. What would your parents think?"

Jess looked at her hand around his. "They wouldn't mind."

Miss Edmunds smiled. "Good. How about we plan a trip then…next Saturday? We could drive into the city and take a look at the big art museum."

Jess smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay…bye then." Miss Edmunds told him. "Have a good weekend."

"Okay…thanks Miss Edmunds."

Jess grinned at her.

The next weekend, Miss Edmunds drove to the Aarons house and knocked on the door. Jess's mother answered, looking busy and holding a young child in her arms.

"Hello, Mrs. Aarons, I'm Jess's music teacher-"

"Oh, of course, come on in, he'll be down in a minute," she answered hurriedly, then went back to the kitchen as the baby let out a wail.

Jess hurtled down the stairs, then stopped when he saw Miss Edmunds. He slowed his pace and walked smoothly down the rest of the stairs. He had dressed in a blue dress shirt and nice pants.

"You ready, Jess?" Miss Edmunds asked.

"Sure," Jess grinned.

"Uh…goodbye, Mrs. Aarons…thank you for letting Jess come with me today." Mrs. Edmunds called.

Jess didn't say goodbye.

They had a long and wonderful day at the museum. They ate lunch at a little café down the street around noon, then toured the rest of the museum together. Miss Edmunds real treat was not in seeing the exhibits, it was in seeing Jess's reaction to all the artwork.

After their day was over, Miss Edmunds drove Jess home. The air was golden as the sun set behind them.

At the end of the Aarons' long driveway, Miss Edmunds stopped the car to let him out.

"Want me to walk with you?" Miss Edmunds offered.

"Nah, it's okay. Thanks for today. Thanks for…everything."

He looked at her, then added, "I mean it."

Miss Edmunds leaned over to push open his door, and said, "You're welcome…anytime, Jess."

She noticed a single tear, shining like a pearl, in the corner of his eye. And on impulse, she leaned in and softly stroked his cheek with her palm, brushing his eyelashes as she did. Feeling she had been inappropriate, she pulled away quickly.

"Bye, Jess."

But after that day, Jess went often to the little clearing in front of Miss Edmunds house in the early mornings, and waited for her. When she woke, she would dress and come out into the garden, and the two of them would spend the morning together talking. At the beginning it was all about art- his passion, and music- her passion. But after a while, they turned to other subjects- family, friends, dreams, goals. Jess often showed Miss Edmunds his new drawings. She praised them. They never discussed Leslie.

Jess's attitude seemed to be improving. He didn't walk around with his eyes downcast and his shoulders slumped all day. He smiled more.

But one day, when Jess showed Miss Edmunds his drawings, they were all of the same thing- a beautiful woodland kingdom, with a smiling queen in it, a crown on her head. In her arms was a little dog. He looked so real to Miss Edmunds that she could imagine him yapping and wriggling to be let down, and the little girl queen chasing after him with gales of laughter.

When she looked down at Jess to praise his work, she found him with tears in his eyes. It was then that she found out about Terabithia.

They spent the afternoon together, instead of just the morning. And both of them, who had needed to cry for so long, cried in each other's arms.

Finally, around mid afternoon, Miss Edmunds wiped her eyes and said, "You've never been gone this long before…you should get back. I'm sure your mother will be wondering why you're not back yet."

Jess sniffled and nodded, but said "My mom doesn't even notice I'm gone all morning. She doesn't care, she's too busy."

"Still…you should be getting back."

Miss Edmunds walked him home, all the way to the end of his drive. She walked with her arm draped casually over his shoulders.

Before they parted, Jess looked up at her and seemed to want to say something. But whatever it was, he found himself unable to say it. After struggling a moment, he threw himself into her arms and hugged her.

She breathed in his scent and tried to mentally capture the feeling of cradling him in her arms. Before she released him, she kissed him on top of his head.


	2. Chapter 2: Something There

Chpt 2. Something There

Author's Note:

I love the book but I wrote this based on the movie, simply because I remember the movie better than I remember the book. I saw the movie recently but I read the book a long, long time ago. So that's why it's based more on the movie.

By the way sorry for the constant "Miss Edmunds" but I don't remember if they ever gave her a first name! LOL. And I don't want to make one up because no name sounds just "right"… so she just has to be "Miss". Haha.

Jess spent so much time with Miss Edmunds that her best friend, Carol Grant, began to notice. At first, Miss Edmunds started cancelling plans with her friend; eventually she stopped making any plans to begin with. Whenever Carol stopped by, Miss Edmunds seemed happy but very distracted.

Another person to notice changes in Miss Edmunds was Miss Myers. Miss Myers had been Jess's teacher this past school year. It seemed an unlikely friendship- an older and stricter conservative teacher with a young free-spirited music teacher…but it was actually Leslie's death that caused Miss Myers and Miss Edmunds to become close. Neither had lost a student before, and they ended up talking and became quite close during those last few weeks of school. They had found out they weren't so different after all, and they'd often had a coffee together after work or met for lunch on Sunday afternoons. But now Miss Edmunds never seemed to have time for a chat with Miss Myers.

And she never talked with either woman about what she was doing, but she always claimed she was going to be "with a friend".

One Saturday when Miss Edmunds and Jess were having lunch together out on Miss Edmund's patio, a car pulled up. It was Carol; she'd decided to just drop by and see if Miss Edmunds wanted to go shopping with her. She was surprised to see her with a young boy; maybe she was babysitting?

She pulled the car up and got out. Miss Edmunds seemed startled to see her, but waved and called "hello!"

"I'm gonna hit the mall, just wanted to see if you wanted to come. How about it? Or do you have to babysit this afternoon?" Carol asked.

Carol honestly thought that Miss Edmunds had been asked to babysit a friend's child or something. But Miss Edmunds seemed to take that as an insult.

Miss Edmunds frowned. "No, I'm not babysitting," she said.

She paused. "Thanks for stopping but I don't really feel like shopping today. Maybe some other time, okay?" She handed Jess a glass of lemonade.

"Um..sure. Well, okay then. I'll…I'll talk to you later.." Carol waved at Josh, then walked back to her car, feeling confused. She turned back and glanced at the pair of them a couple times before she reached her car. What was bothering her? She didn't really think anything wrong was going on, did she? _I mean this is my best friend I'm talking about_, Carol scolded herself. She started her car and drove away, trying to shake off her uneasy feelings.

After lunch, Miss Edmunds invited jess inside her house- something she hadn't done before. Previously they'd always stayed in her garden or on her patio. Jess found the place to be a cozy little cottage; the main room was painted bright yellow on the inside with overstuffed couches and huge painted flowerpots. "It was my parent's place," Miss Edmunds explained. "They retired to Miami Beach, and let me keep the cottage. I was just lucky that the local school hired me to teach. Please, sit down."

Jess sat, feeling awkward and yet comfortable at the same time. Miss Edmunds brought over a thick, heavy book to him. It was old looking, but well taken care of. It was leather-bound, with gold edging. She laid it gently on his lap and opened it up.

"The Masterpieces of the Louvre" Jess read the title slowly, out loud. Miss Edmunds cheek dimpled when she grinned.

"It's yours," she said softly.

Jess looked up at her. "You mean to keep?"

Miss Edmunds nodded. "It was my father's. He gave it to me. But I don't know anyone who deserves it more than you."

Jess looked up, pushing the book away from him. "I can't, no, it's too much. You don't have to-"

"I know. I know I don't have to. I want to. Please take it." Miss Edmunds said, pleading softly. "I thought and thought about what I could give you that would really mean something, and this is it."

"I don't have anything for you." Jess said almost mournfully as her traced the gold binding with his fingertip.

"You already gave me something," Miss Edmunds told him, tucking one leg under her as she sat down close to him.

"I did? What?" Jess asked, creasing his brow.

Miss Edmunds smiled at him, looking like an angel. "Just being who you are is a gift to me, Jess."

Jess looked crestfallen. "That's nice, but…well, it's not…it's not _real_. It's not like _this_," Jess told her, indicating the book lying between them on the couch. "You gave me… a….a _treasure_. I don't have anything like that to give you."

He looked at a loss for words, but Miss Edmunds reached out to the boy and brushed her hand, palm inward, across his heart.

She said simply, "That's my treasure."

After that day, they often spent both mornings and afternoons together.

Eventually they stopped spending any time outdoors at all, but would go directly inside and have breakfast together, followed by an entire morning of time spent together, and then have lunch together as well.

They talked and laughed together the way they could with no one else.

Miss Edmunds sometimes played her guitar and sang to him while he laid his head in her lap and closed his eyes, letting her voice carry him to faraway places.

Sometimes Jess helped Miss Edmunds fix things around the house, like when she had a leaky faucet. He felt _needed_ at her house, in his own house he felt like he was just in the way.

And finally when they realized it was getting late, Miss Edmunds would drape her arm around his shoulders and they'd walk close beside each other, back toward Jess's house.

Everything was fine until one day when Miss Myers happened to be driving along the same road Jess took to get from Miss Edmunds house to his own house.

It was raining pretty hard, and she couldn't see that well through the downpour.

She saw a young boy walking with a woman and as she got closer she realized it was Jess and Miss Edmunds.

She went on past, driving to get to her own house.

But once she passed them and had driven onto another street, she thought she really ought to have offered them a ride, considering how wet it was.

So she pulled her car around and turned back.

As she came back to the street where they had been walking, she suddenly remembered that that was the road Jess lived on, so she didn't really need to offer him a ride; he was probably already at his driveway by now.

But she could at least offer Miss Edmunds a ride.

She started to go down the lane, but then stopped. She strained her eyes, trying to tell if what she thought she saw was real or if the image was distorted because of the rain coming down.

Jess and Miss Edmunds were standing at the end of Jess's driveway, standing very close together and holding hands. They talked for a moment, then laughed at something, and Miss Edmunds touched the top of his head in an intimate looking sort of way. Miss Myers watched as they talked a few more seconds, then gasped softly as she saw Miss Edmunds lean down and kiss Jess on the cheek.

Or at least she hoped it was the cheek. She was kind of far away to see details, and it was raining. But she could hope. Not that it would make much difference. The whole thing had been completely inappropriate.

Miss Myers wished she had not seen anything. She wished that with all her heart. Because now, she was going to have to do something about it.


	3. Chapter 3: Hearts Will Be Broken

Chpt 3. Hearts Will be Broken

Author's Note:

Since Josh the actor played the character in the movie, as I'm writing this I am picturing him in the scenes, so I am sorry I accidently wrote "Carol waved goodbye to Josh". LOL! That's awful. Haha. I'll try to check for that more carefully.

XXX

Miss Myers went home to collect herself, whatever she had to do; she wasn't going to do it tonight. She didn't even really know what she had to do anyway. After all, she hadn't seen much. It looked inappropriate, but she couldn't with certainty say that anything illicit was going on. Still, she knew that when someone becomes a teacher, they also become something called a "mandated reporter", which means that if they even suspect a child is being mistreated, they are bound by law to contact the authorities. The law doesn't say if you have proof they're being mistreated, it says if you suspect they might be being mistreated. Miss Myers would rather wait till she knew for sure what was going on. But she also knew it wasn't her job to investigate; it was only her job to contact someone who could do the investigating.

But she couldn't bring herself to do that to Miss Edmunds. Even if nothing was going on, just the allegations alone could end Miss Edmunds teaching career. No, she wouldn't do that. She would talk to Miss Edmunds, tell her what she'd seen, and ask for an explanation. This was her friend she was talking about.

Miss Myers went to bed that night feeling very unsettled.

XXX

Jess went to bed that night feeling happier than he'd ever felt.

Miss Edmunds- beautiful, sweet, wonderful Miss Edmunds- had walked him home as usual, and once they'd reached the end of his drive, he had said "bye" and started for the driveway, but she pulled him back. The rain was splattering down on both of them, and Miss Edmunds hair hung in wet ringlets around her face. Little tiny drops of water clung to her eyelashes like diamonds. She made some joke about the two of them standing in the rain, he laughed, she laughed, and then she leaned down and kissed him in the rain.

It was just on the cheek, but no one had ever kissed him before. Well, except for his own family, but that was different. He had never been kissed by someone he loved like this. For a second he couldn't breathe. Then, turning scarlet, he said, "Bye, Miss Edmunds," and turned an ran up his driveway.

Once inside, he walked past his mother and father, who were sitting at the table, and even though his mother called, "Jess, don't you track your wet things all over this house!" Jess ignored them and ran up to his room. He shut the door, fortunately May Belle wasn't in there. He threw himself down on his bed and sighed, closing his eyes and thinking about the sound of her laugh and the way she'd leaned in to him and just barely brushed his cheek with her lips. Nothing so wonderful had ever happened to anyone before.

He got out his art supplies and began a picture. He was never going to forget the way Miss Edmunds looked standing there, laughing, holding his hand as the rain poured down around them.

Jess fell asleep with his head on his picture and Miss Edmunds in his dreams.

XXX

Miss Edmunds went to bed that night feeling calm.

It didn't really occur to her that she might have done something inappropriate. After all, a kiss on the cheek, was that really so wrong? It wasn't on the lips. And she hadn't touched him or anything like that.

No, she decided at last- it was just a private and innocent moment shared between two people who love each other deeply.

With that lovely thought, she drifted off to sleep.

XXX

The next morning, Miss Myers drove straight over to Miss Edmunds house. It was early, even earlier than Jess usually came, and Miss Edmunds was still in her bathrobe. She sleepily answered the door, yawning, and asked Miss Myers if something was wrong.

"I hope not," Miss Myers said sharply. "I need to speak with you."

Miss Edmunds swallowed nervously. "Come in," she said.

XXX

When Jess got to Miss Edmunds house, he tried to push open the front door- Miss Edmunds never locked it anymore, he was allowed in anytime- but found it was, surprisingly, locked. Confused, he knocked hesitantly a couple times.

Finally, Miss Edmunds came to the door. She was in a worn, old faded pink terrycloth bathrobe. Her hair was up in a ponytail and sticking out every which way. She was holding a stained coffee mug in one hand. Her eyes looked tired and swollen. Jess still thought she was the most beautiful creature that ever walked the planet. But he wondered why she looked so worried.

"Hi, Jess," she said softly.

Jess peered behind her into the room. Miss Myers was sitting primly on the overstuffed sofa that Jess had sat on. Miss Myers looked at him, then at Miss Edmunds with raised eyebrows.

"Jess, I'm-" she stepped out the door and lowered her voice. "I need to talk with Miss Myers for a while. Okay? I'll have to see you another day."

Jess looked sort of heartbroken, Miss Edmunds thought. So she stroked his hair, running her fingers through the ends where it curled out.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, she slipped back inside and Jess was left standing on the empty porch.

XXX

Jess didn't know what to do. Every day of the summer had been full of Miss Edmunds. He hadn't been to Terabithia. He hadn't made any friends. He had only been with her. He had forgotten how to occupy his time if she wasn't around.

Jess wandered away. Feeling lonely and dejected.

XXX

Back at the house, Miss Edmunds poured herself another cup or coffee and sighed.

Miss Myers said from the couch, "I know what I _saw_. I just don't know what it _meant_. I want an explanation. I don't want to think that you'd be doing anything to jeopardize your career or the integrity of our school."

"What you saw was…okay, yes, I did kiss him. But it was only for a moment, and only on the cheek. That's the only time that's ever happened."

"The only time you've kissed him?"

"Well…no, I've kissed him on top of his head a few times. But," she rushed on, seeing the look on Miss Myers face, "You don't understand. He…he needed someone. He had to be comforted, he's been heartbroken over Leslie."

"He didn't look heartbroken yesterday out in the rain laughing with you." Miss Myers pointed out.

"That was…that was different. I let myself get carried away. I…I don't know. Am I crazy? Am I crazy for feeling this way?"

Miss Myers sat back. "My dear, you've been acting like you're in love." She paused. " Are you?"

Miss Edmunds eyes widened.

Miss Myers pressed on, "Well? Is that it? Do you think you're in love with Jess? Is that what you're saying?"

Miss Edmunds sighed. "I didn't mean to be…but…when we're together, it's just like…everything else disappears. He makes me feel so special, and I know I do the same for him. We just understand each other in a way that no one else does."

"Have you done anything beyond kissing?" Miss Myers asked.

"No." Miss Edmunds stated. "No, not at all. I've just barely kissed him, and Jess is altogether too much of a gentleman to try anything himself."

"So you're saying you would go further with him, you would continue this relationship?"

Miss Edmunds shrugged. "I didn't exactly plan any of this, you know. But I do love him. I want us to be together. Maybe forever."

"My God, he's a baby! He's- what, twelve years old? He's not even a teenager yet!"

Miss Edmunds burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands.

Miss Myers reached into her purse for a tissue, handed it to her, and waited calmly until Miss Edmunds composed herself.

Miss Edmunds sniffed a couple times. "I don't know what to say." She gave out a distressed laugh. "I don't know! Is that so horrible? Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?"

"For a feeling? No. But actions are another matter. Dear, you can't control the way you feel about a person. If you like them, if you love them, if you're attracted to them. But what you can control is your behavior toward them. Jess is too young for any of this. You know that. You have to behave like a responsible adult. You have to end this."

Miss Edmunds looked at her. There was an expression in her eyes that Miss Myers couldn't identify. "What will you do if I don't?"

Miss Myers pursed her lips. "You are my friend. I don't want to do anything to get you into trouble. But dear, Jess is a child, you_ must_ realize that. If you won't stop what you're doing, I think the only thing to do is talk to either Jess's parents or go to Child Protective Services for them to address the problem."

Miss Edmunds tears stung her eyes. "You'd do that to me?"

"I don't want to," Miss Myers said sympathetically. "But I can't- I can't stand by and allow this to happen. Jess is very young. This could…affect him. In the future. "

"But couldn't I still have him over, but I'll just make sure nothing happens?" Miss Edmunds looked suddenly hopeful.

Miss Myers said regretfully, "The more time you spend with him alone, the more you're opening yourself up for things to happen between you two. It's just not a good situation to put yourself in."

Miss Edmunds blinked back a few tears. "He's so sad all the time. I make him happy. I don't know how to tell him he can't come back."

"That's another thing. I don't think it was a good idea for you to have started this…relationship, if that's what we can call it. Jess is _grieving,_ Miss Edmunds. He's in a very vulnerable state right now. He's not himself. He just had a big loss and he doesn't have a strong family home life, so he's searching for any comfort he can get. He found you, and you're nice to him and give him attention, and so naturally he thinks he loves you. He's completely dependent on you for all his emotional needs. And ultimately, this relationship will have to end, and then Jess will feel more lost and alone than ever. This relationship is going to do more harm than good."

Miss Edmunds didn't want Miss Myers to see her cry, so she got up to put her coffee mug in the sink.

"So you're saying we don't really love each other? It's all a result of some sort of psychological trauma. And how we feel doesn't matter? Is that what you're saying?"

"I am saying," Miss Myers cut in softly, "that if you really love him, then you need to do what's _best_ for him. And what is best for _him_ is that you give him a chance to have a normal childhood, a normal adolescence. Let go of him: He's starting middle school in the fall. He has a lot of growing up to do. He has a lot of things to experience on his own before he'll be ready to make a commitment to another person. He needs to go to dances and parties and out on dates and all the normal things that teenagers do. He needs to just be a kid. My dear, if he truly loves you now, then he will _still_ love you when he grows up."

Miss Edmunds nodded, but she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

Miss Myers did not understand Miss Edmunds at all. But she had faith in her that she would do the right thing.

And this was her friend, after all. Miss Myers gave her a hug and stayed with her until she had cried all her tears.

Authors Note: Okay two things:

One: Just because I am writing this story, does NOT mean I am advocating underage "relationships". I DO think that it is possible for people of any age to fall in love. But like Miss Myers, it's important not to act inappropriately because even if both people think they are in love, there is no way teens are mature enough to be in adult relationships. Why? Well, when you're a teen, your values and opinions change so much and you have no idea what you will be like when you're an adult. So it's best for teens to not try to do adult things, and for adults to just stick with each other and leave teenagers alone. Teens and adults are really not a good mix. Just want to make that clear so nobody thinks I am advocating a "relationship" like this. Lol.

Two: I will probably only have one more chapter because there isn't much left of the story. So one more chapter or maybe two more, tops. Thanks for reading it!


	4. Chapter 4: To Say Goodbye

Chapter 4: To Say Goodbye

Authors Note: Thanks MadTom! You're a huge help and you totally inspired me.

Chapter 4: To Say Goodbye

Miss Edmunds didn't sleep well all night.

She went to bed late, tossed and turned, got up a few times during the night, and rose early. She couldn't get Jess out of her mind. She could imagine him lying there with her, holding him in her arms as they slept. But then she would remember Miss Myers words, and she would start to feel tormented.

She had known on some level that what Miss Myers had said was true. As the weeks of summer flew by, she and Jess had grown closer and closer, and lines had been blurred. As she thought back, she could recognize that maybe she had crossed some boundaries. Not just physical ones, but emotional ones as well.

She had never thought consciously about loving Jess. But had she, unconsciously? When Miss Myers brought it to her attention yesterday, she finally voiced aloud what had been in her heart all along. She had fallen for him. Right or wrong, moral or immoral, she was head over heels in love with him.

And nothing could change that.

But, she wasn't stupid. Not only would she lose her teaching license and face possible imprisonment if she continued seeing the boy one-on-one as she had been doing, but she also had to think about Jess's future. Was Miss Myers right? Could a relationship with her damage him? She knew he was very young. It made sense that he would need to experience adolescent life first, before he started making adult commitments.

Besides, what if he really only thought he loved her because of his grief? Is it possible that in years to come, he would be angry with her, feeling that she had taken advantage of him at a time when he was so vulnerable?

Deep in her heart she knew what she had to do, even though it made her ache with sorrow. When Jess arrived that morning, eager as always to see her, she almost couldn't speak.

"Miss Edmunds, I brought these for you. Since I couldn't see you yesterday, and you looked sad." Jess brought his hand to reveal what he'd been hiding behind his back. He held out a bedraggled handful of wildflowers he'd picked for her. At the sight of the pathetic clump of flowers, picked by the little boy with so much love, Miss Edmunds eyes filled up with tears.

She put her hands on his shoulders. "Jess, honey… come in. We need to talk."

XXX

"I don't get it. Why don't you like me anymore?" Jess asked, looking heartbroken as well as angry after Miss Edmunds explained that she could no longer spend time with him privately.

"No, sweetheart, that's not it. I do like you. I like you too much. That's the problem. I'm…I'm a grown up, Jess, and it's wrong for me to spend so much time with you and hug you and kiss you the way I've been doing."

"How can it be _wrong_?" Jess pleaded, his voice cracking. "You…you said that you _loved_ me. Don't you remember? We talked about it just a few days ago, how we loved each other. How can that be bad? I don't understand-"

"Jess, listen. The way I feel about you is the way I should feel about a grown up man, one who could be my boyfriend. It would be nice if it could be like that for us, but it can't be. You need to spend time with girls your own age, and I need to spend time with men my age. That's how it's supposed to be."

Jess looked down, he didn't want her to see the hot, angry tears that were forming in his eyes.

Miss Edmunds continued, "Teachers aren't supposed to invite students over to their houses like this. And women aren't supposed to fall in love with boys." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. After realizing what she had just said, she thought, _God, I am screwed up_.

But Jess looked up at her, his tender eyes shining with new hope. "You mean it? You're in love? With me?"

Miss Edmunds nodded, looking ashamed. "I'm not supposed to be, but… I am. But, see, Jess? That's exactly _why_ I can't see you anymore."

But Jess wasn't paying attention. He was thinking out loud. "You said you loved me before, I knew that. But I never knew you were _in _love with me." Jess kind of smiled, despite his upset over the break-up.

Miss Edmunds shook her head. "That's not the point, we just need to-"

Jess interrupted. "When did you know?"

"What?"

"When did you know that you were in love with me?"

"Um…I think it was when…I guess it was when we spent that day together at the museum…the second time, not the first trip. That's when."

"I am too, you know." Jess said.

"You're what?"

"In love," Jess said shyly. "I wouldn't have said it, unless you said it first. But I've known a lot longer than you."

"Oh? How long have you known that?"

"I knew I was in love the first day you started teaching at our school," Jess said quietly. "So I guess I was just waiting."

"Oh, Jess, I'm sorry," Miss Edmunds began to cry, soft tears gliding down her lovely cheeks. "I'm _so_ sorry." Fighting instinct, she reached out and pulled him to her, wrapping him in a hug. "I _hate_ this. I really do. But I can get in a lot of trouble, and anyway it isn't right, I'm not supposed to be doing this."

Jess closed his eyes and hugged her, but he did not cry. He would try very hard to wait till he was home, alone, in the privacy of his room, before he would allow his tears to fall.

When Miss Edmunds finally pulled away, she kneeled down a little to be closer to eye level with him. Her eyes looked so concerned, she was worried about how he'd react to all of this.

"Jess, honey, remember that even though I can't spend time with you, it doesn't mean I don't love you." She stroked his cheek.

Jess closed his eyes, resting his cheek against her hand. He looked so little and innocent, and it broke Miss Edmunds heart. She pulled away from him and turned away, covering her face.

When she turned away, Jess opened his eyes. It made Jess angry that she apparently didn't even want to look at him anymore.

" I am so afraid you'll think I'm abandoning you-" She broke off, fresh tears coming.

"But you _are_," he said, shouting, "You _are_, you're leaving me!"

Jess didn't want to hurt her further, but she was hurting him too. She _was _abandoning him.

His words came out in a whimper, "You're the only friend I have."

"Oh, honey…." Miss Edmunds cried, brought to tears at his words. "You have so much ahead of you. You're going to start at a new school, and there will be so much there for you. So many new people to make friends with! You'll meet lots of girls…"

Jess shook his head furiously, crying openly. "I don't want any other girls. They just leave you. They become your friend and you love them and then they go away and leave you, or they die-" Jess broke off, crying too hard to continue.

"_Jess_-" Miss Edmunds pleaded, wrapped him in her arms, but he struggled out of them.

"No! No!" Jess screamed, tears pouring unashamedly down his face. "I hate you! I hate you! Everything's wrong and it's all your fault! You lied to me! You told me you loved me and now you don't wanna see me anymore, you were just playing with me! You don't care about me at all! And I used to think it was my fault Leslie died- but- but it's _yours_! _It's your fault she died!_ If you had invited her that day, she wouldn't have died! You invited me just so you could get me away from her and she _died_!"

Jess was screaming at her, and he knew perfectly well that everything he screamed was completely untrue, but he screamed it anyway. At this point all he wanted to do was hurt her the way she hurt him.

Miss Edmunds was crying. "Jess, _please!_"

Jess ran out of the cottage, slamming the door behind him, and ran to Terabithia.

XXX

But he couldn't be alone, even in Terabithia. May Belle was there.

_Ugh_, he groaned, seeing the little girl. Why couldn't he ever be alone? But that was just the trouble. When he wanted to be alone, there was always someone in the way. But when he longed to have company, he felt alone then. Nothing was ever the way it should be.

He tried to wipe his tears away so May Belle wouldn't see, but he knew it would still show that he'd been crying. His face was all red.

May Belle was playing by herself, talking to people who weren't there. When she saw Jess's face, she told her imaginary playmates that she'd see them another time, and they must have vanished, because she turned her attention to Jess.

"Hi, Jess." She said, hopping down from the stump she'd been standing on.

She came up beside him, looked at his face, but she didn't say anything. She just grabbed his hand and walked beside him. "Wanna play?"

He shook his head. "May Belle? Don't grow up, okay?"

"What?" She wrinkled her forehead.

"Don't get any older. Stay little. Trust me, everything's easier."

Her eyes widened. "Can you _do _that?" She asked.

He shook his head, plopping down on the stump she'd been standing on before.

"Then why'd you tell me to?" She asked.

"It's complicated. But sometimes I'm glad you're little." He told her.

She grinned. "I'm glad you're big."

She hugged him, barely reaching the middle of his chest, she was so short.

He pushed her off playfully, and then sighed, becoming serious. "Even when you're big, you can still say stupid things."

"Did you say somethin' stupid?"

He nodded.

"To who?"

"It doesn't matter. But I said things I knew weren't true. And I have to figure out how to fix it. But the person doesn't even want to talk to me anymore."

"Well, if they won't talk to you, maybe you can write them a note. Or draw them a picture. That can say you're sorry."

"Maybe…" Jess thought. "I guess that might work. At least she'd know I'm sorry for what I said. …But she still won't talk to me."

"What do you care more about? If she talks to you, or if she knows you're sorry?"

Jess stared at May Belle. "You're right, May Belle. I can't do anything about it if she won't talk to me anymore. All I can do is tell her how sorry I am."

"Good. Do you feel better?" May Belle asked.

"Not yet. But I will." Jess said, tussling her hair.

"Good. Then will you play with me now?"

"Okay, May Belle."

XXX

That evening, Jess thought a lot about what to say to Miss Edmunds in his note. Just saying he was sorry wasn't enough. He blamed his best friend's _death_ on her. He'd even said he _hated_ her. Sorry wasn't enough of a word for all that.

He was still angry that she didn't want to spend time with him anymore. He was unwanted, alone, abandoned, and hurt. And all those bad feelings were Miss Edmunds fault. He was angry with her.

But even under all those bad feelings she had given him, he still loved her and didn't want her to hurt the way she'd hurt him.

He knew he couldn't change her mind about her decision not to see him anymore, but he could at least make things right between them.

He began writing his note.

XXX

Miss Edmunds doorbell rang early the next morning, but when she went to the door, no one was there.

But as she started to close the door, she noticed something on the stoop. He bent over to retrieve it, and took it inside.

It was a smooth white envelope, and on the front was written, in childlike scrawl, "Miss Edmunds"

Miss Edmunds opened it slowly, her hands shaking.

Inside was a single sheet of paper. It was a drawing: The one Jess had made of the two of them, that day in the rain, when Miss Edmunds had raindrops in her ringlets and laughter in her eyes. That day she had leaned down and kissed him in the rain- what Jess considered to be the most wonderful day of his young life.

On the back was a note.

_Dear Miss Edmunds,_

_I made this picture after that day, because I wanted to make sure I'd never forget it. But I don't need the picture after all, because I figured out that I'll never forget it anyway. So I'm giving it to you, because maybe you'll forget. Since you said you can't see me anymore, maybe you can just hang onto this and remember that day, and remember that we were happy together. Maybe someday we can be happy like that again. _

_Jess_

_P.S. I am really, really, really sorry for all I said to you. It wasn't true and I didn't mean it. Especially the part about hating you. I don't understand why you can't see me anymore, but I don't hate you. I love you._

Miss Edmunds folded the picture up again, held it to her heart, and closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears.

So Jess didn't understand why she couldn't see him anymore- but how could he? Miss Myers was right, he was a baby.

But, she could rest assured that he still loved her in his childlike heart.

She tucked his letter and picture between the pages of her journal. She would hold onto the piece of paper forever.


	5. Chapter 5: Loving Jess

Chapter 5

NOTE- Ok this was supposed to be the final chapter, but I ended up splitting it up into two chapters. So next will be chapter 6 and _that_ will be the last one.

Chapter 5

"Loving Jess"

That summer was a long one.

Jess fell deeper into his depression, until finally even his parents noticed and drove him into the city to see a doctor.

The doctor never suspected Jess had been abused in any manner, and Jess said nothing about his relationship with an older woman.

All the doctor knew was that the boy had recently suffered the loss of his best friend in a tragic drowning, and so the doctor only counseled him on his grief and nothing more.

After the appointment, Jess said he felt better now and he didn't want to go back. His parents respected his wishes, thinking the doctor must have helped him, and so they didn't force him to return.

The truth was, Jess didn't feel better.

But he didn't want to worry his parents, so he spent less time home alone in his room and more time outside. When his parents asked what he'd been doing, he'd just reply vaguely, "Just playing".

In actuality, he would find some quiet spot out in the countryside where he could sit down and do absolutely nothing. He didn't even run anymore. Sometimes he drew a little, but not much. Mostly he just stared into space or dozed off. He was depressed.

Very often his thoughts were on Miss Edmunds.

XXX

Summertime lasted well into the autumn season that year, but 'Indian Summer' just gave Jess more time to spend outside on his own, and that was just fine with him.

School started later, too, now that he was in junior high. May Belle went off to their old school every morning for a whole week before Jess and his older sisters had to start their schools.

When school finally began, Jess was a different boy. He was a little bit taller, and his face looked older- he was much more of a young man now.

He was also much thinner, but, that was because of his depression. He never ate much anymore. He just didn't have an appetite.

The first day of school, Jess, who had been determined not to let anyone close to him, had already made a friend- though, accidently.

It was a girl named Annie.

She was new, and she didn't live out in the country like Jess did, she lived in the town.

She was a pretty girl, with long brown hair and green eyes, but it was her personality that Jess liked. She was spunky and outgoing- much like Leslie.

Jess never would have bothered talking to her, except that some 8th grade guys were hassling her when she walked down the hallway that first day. Jess ignored it- he didn't want anything to do with anybody this year.

Anyway, this Annie girl looked like she could take care of herself all right. She wasn't big or very strong looking, but she had the same fierceness in her eyes that Leslie had (the kind of look that told people, _don't you try to mess with me_.)

But these guys just wouldn't let up on her, and Annie looked as of her plan was simply to ignore them. That was all right, until they used a certain word that Jess found disgusting to call a girl.

Before he knew it, he heard his own voice calling out, "Hey, why don't you cut it out?"

The biggest boy turned to him, "You talkin' to me?"

Jess swallowed. "Yeah. Get outa here."

"Who's gonna make me?" The big boy said, clumping over toward Jess.

The hallway had cleared out by now because the bell had already gone off, and the only people in the hallway were Jess, Annie, and the three older boys.

Annie looked at the three boys and then at Jess. This skinny boy was offering to go up against these big bullies?

Annie couldn't help taking an instant liking to Jess. She didn't know him, but anyone that skinny who would defend her to three big bullies must have guts.

Annie liked guts.

Jess took a deep breath and said to the bullies, "I'm gonna make you."

Just then a teacher poked his head out of a classroom and probably saved Jess's life. "The bell just rang. Get to class right now, all of you- or there'll be detentions all around!"

"Come on, Jess," Annie said under her breath. "Just leave them alone, it's not worth it."

She moved away and began walking down the hall, pulling Jess's sleeve to drag him along with her.

The three bullies didn't move, until the teacher said. "I mean it. Get to class!" With one last glare at Jess, they slowly sauntered off.

"How'd you know my name?" Jess asked, once they'd turned a corner.

Annie grinned at him like he was dopey. "We're in the same homeroom, Jess. And we had first period science together. And fourth period history. _And_ sixth period spanish."

"Oh. Right. Sorry. I guess I didn't notice you-" Jess cut off, wincing. He didn't have much experience with girls, but he knew that saying _I didn't notice you_ was not a good move.

But Annie didn't seem the least bit offended. She just laughed and turned to continue on her way. "Well, thanks for trying to stick up for me. I'll see ya around."

As she walked away, she turned back, grinning at him again.

"Wait," Jess said, walking to catch up to her. "What's your name?"

"Annie," she told him.

"Where are you headed, Annie?" Jess asked.

"Math," she said. "How about you?"

Jess, who had been walking around in a daze for months, had to get out his schedule to check. He hadn't the slightest idea what _his _eighth period class was.

"Math too," he told her after checking his schedule, "Pre-Algebra. What great way to end the school day, huh?"

"Hey, that's what I'm taking this term too. What class is it?"

"Mr. Maynard, room 112"

"That's my class," she said, sounding surprised. "I hope he won't be mad that we're late. Let's go."

The two walked in together.

XXX

After that, they always sat together in class.

It was nice, having a friend.

Jess wasn't used to having friends, and he began to enjoy it. There was still a deep, lingering sadness in him, that even Annie noticed, though she didn't know where it came from. Annie sometimes wondered what secrets Jess held. Jess had not told her about Leslie or about Miss Edmunds.

But Annie helped him, even without knowing what was wrong. Just her very _presence_, having someone by his side, was a great help to his spirits. Anyway, Annie figured that if she was really Jess's friend, someday, he would tell her what was wrong. If he didn't want to open up yet, then he must have a good reason not to. Annie was very understanding.

XXX

Miss Edmunds started her school year as usual, but she felt as if she had to put on a mask every morning when she got ready for school. She thought about seeing a therapist, but that would mean admitting _why_ she was depressed, and she was too fearful that if she told anyone about her feelings, she might lose her job.

So she trudged on, discussing her problems to no one, not even Ms. Myers, who already knew about them anyway. She wanted Ms. Myers to think that she was over Jess, that she had no intention of being with him.

Miss Edmunds was so tempted, so often, to go see Jess or try to call him on the phone. Once or twice she even drove by the junior high, trying to catch a glimpse of him as he came out of the building after school. She didn't see him.

Sometimes, she couldn't help it, and all that could be heard from the little cottage in the deep, lonely hours of the night, were sobs, as her heart broke all over again.

She worried about him. She worried about how he was coping with Leslie's death. She worried about if he was making any friends. She worried about if his parents were paying enough attention to him. She worried about if he was happy.

And worse, as time went on, she worried that Jess would forget her.

XXX


	6. Chapter 6: Loving Julia

Chapter 6

"Loving Julia"

The years went on. Jess finished his first year at the middle school, and then his second.

Miss Edmunds came to the middle school graduation, sitting in the back where no one would see her. She had spent time beforehand making up a little cover story in case anyone would wonder why she had come. "I'm here to watch my neighbor's daughter," she would say, if asked, "My neighbor invited me to come see her graduation and attend her party afterward."

But no one asked.

Jess never saw her there, because she left as soon as it was over. She marveled at how he had grown a few inches taller, and become more of a young man. And yet he still looked like her same sweet boy she had let go of two years before.

XX

Jess began high school with a girlfriend named Hallie.

She was a cute girl, very bubbly and very nice, but the relationship was not serious. Hallie was the one who had pursued Jess, and Jess had gone along with it simply because having a girlfriend was something high school guys did, and since all the other guys had girlfriends, he figured he should have one too.

But Jess barely ever even kissed her, and they only went out on dates every couple of weeks. To Jess, it was more of a situation where he went out with her because it seemed like the right thing for him to do- Not because he was particularly interested in Hallie.

He would much rather have just gone out with Annie- not because he was interested in Annie in that way- but simply because then he could appear to have a girlfriend and he wouldn't have to ask out a girl or go on dates or do anything else he was uncomfortable with. He wouldn't have had to kiss her like he had to kiss Hallie.

But, the bright side was that having a girlfriend meant he was able to attend the homecoming dance, and he remembered that school dances were something Miss Edmunds had said she really wanted him to experience. So he went and tried to think that he was just making Miss Edmunds happy.

He and Hallie broke up shortly after the dance.

Jess didn't date again for another two years.

XX

In all this time Jess had never told Annie about his past.

Annie was a good friend. She spent time with him, even in silence- she never pushed him to talk if he didn't want to. Jess appreciated that. Annie hoped that someday, if she was patient, Jess would finally decide to tell her what had happened to him that had made him so reclusive and so sad.

Finally, shortly before high school graduation, Jess decided the time had come.

He asked Annie to meet him after school at the end of his driveway. From there he led her to Terabithia.

Although Jess had been there from time to time to sit alone in the treehouse and think, it wasn't a place for anything other than lonely solitude. No one played there. He had never invited anyone else there, and May Belle had long since grown up and left Terabithia. He didn't resent May Belle for it; she had played in Terabithia as long as she could, but she'd grown up as children do, and could no longer re-capture that childish imagination she'd once had.

So Terabithia sat, alone, untouched, waiting.

Jess and Annie climbed up into the old treehouse and sat cross legged on the floor. Annie waited for Jess to begin.

"Um…I have some stuff I want to tell you. I…thank you for not pushing me. I- I mean that. It's been…it hasn't been easy for me. But you've helped me a lot. I don't know if you realize just how much you've helped me."

Jess took a deep breath. Annie nodded slowly and waited for him to go on.

"When I was little…um, ok, well I never had an easy time making friends. But um…there was this one girl. Her name was Leslie. She was my best friend. She understood me, but…it was more than that. She brought out the best in me. As hokey as that sounds, she did…she made me more than I was, somehow."

"Sounds like a good friend," Annie said softly.

Jess nodded and swallowed. It was a few minutes before he could go on. Annie just sat with him and waited.

"We…we used to play here. Right here in these woods. In this tree house, even. She made up this game where we were the rulers of a magic kingdom, only it wasn't a game." Jess stopped and sort of laughed. "I mean, of course it was a game, but…it became real when I was with her. And after she left, it was hard to get that back. I don't think I ever really did. She brought this kind of…magic into my life. And when she left, she took the magic away with her."

Annie started to ask if the girl had moved away, but then stopped. She was going to let Jess tell his story in his own way, in his own time.

"Leslie made every day better than I'd ever expected it could be. But one day, I left her. I went away on a trip with my teacher, just the two of us."

Annie raised her eyebrows at that, but didn't say anything.

"I had the best day…it was different than the days I shared with Leslie, but…it was just as good, somehow. But when I came back home…"

Jess stopped. Annie waited.

"There were police cars around Leslie's house, and the rope over the stream was broken, and I didn't understand what was happening. My family tried to tell me that there had been an accident at the stream, but…it was like…it was like, their mouths were moving but I couldn't understand what they were _saying_. They kept telling me something that didn't make any sense, couldn't be _true_, like…like it was all some awful joke, some terrible lie, and I couldn't understand why they were telling me this."

Jess shuddered. Annie reached out and took his hand gently in her own.

"The bridge we crossed to get here, Annie…I built that with my own two hands. Leslie and I had always swung across the old rope to get here. But after…the accident… I let my little sister play here …I had to build the bridge."

"To keep her safe," Annie said, squeezing his hand.

There was a long silence.

Finally Jess said, "Miss Edmunds had taken me to the museum on the day it happened. And we went again, later. And then I started going over to her house every day."

Annie raised her eyebrows again but chose not to say anything.

"I…I didn't have anyone else, and…we helped each other. We…she…she…"

Jess stopped, then said simply, "She became very important to me."

Annie knew where this was going, and felt bothered by it. She finally asked, "Jess, are you saying there was a relationship between you and your teacher?"

"Um…" Jess thought, "Not…not exactly. I mean, we spent all our time together…and we talked about how we felt toward each other…and she kissed me-"

"She _kissed_ you?" Annie asked. The she tried to calm down. "What else?"

"Nothing else. She kissed me a couple times. Then she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. She left me."

Jess had been on the verge of tears while he talked about Leslie, but this was too much for him. Once "she left me" had escaped his lips, he choked on a sob.

"Jess" Annie cried, pulling her to him.

Jess quickly pulled himself together and pulled away.

Annie said, "It wasn't your fault Jess…that it happened…she was an adult, she shouldn't have-"

"No!" Jess shouted. "It wasn't like that. I loved her Annie. I still love her. And for all I know, she's married with a house full of kids by now."

"You still…"

"Yes, I still love her." Jess said bitterly. "The time with her…it was so long ago, it feels like I'm remembering something from a dream. But I still miss her every day. And I can't be with her. It's been six years, Annie."

Annie paused. She didn't quite know to respond to this. A young boy's relationship with an older teacher who had kissed him screamed all kinds of wrong to her.

But Jess was her friend, and he was hurting. She couldn't say bad things about the teacher, even though she thought the teacher had been terribly inappropriate. If she said anything rude about the teacher, it would hurt Jess's feelings.

But maybe she could get him to look at this from another angle… An angle that could make Jess know that the teacher had done the right thing in leaving him, but wouldn't paint his beloved teacher as a bad person.

"Jess, um, maybe…You have to know that a relationship like that…seeing an underage boy…it could have gotten her into a _lot_ of trouble…maybe even cost her her career…think about it…think about how bad you would've felt, how guilty, if seeing _you_ had made her lose her job? And it _wouldn't_ be your fault," Annie rushed on, "She's an adult and knew what she was doing, it would _not_ have been your fault at all. But you know you would have _felt _like it was your fault. And she probably knew that. Maybe she just knew that you would have felt terribly guilty if this had cost her her job, so she broke things off with you. She didn't want you to feel guilty because of choices she made."

Jess didn't say anything.

Annie tried something else. "She probably worried about other stuff too. You were so young, and you had just been through something terrible. Maybe she was afraid… later, when you grew up, you might have felt like she was just using you at a time when you were very vulnerable."

"She wasn't, though." Jess said. "She loved me. And I love her."

"Yeah, _now_." Annie said. "_Now_ you love her. She left you, Jess, and you've hung onto that love. You've grown up, and that love has grown with you.

But what if she'd stayed with you back then, when you were really still just a little boy? Having a real relationship with you, when you were just a kid and vulnerable from grief? And you never experienced regular teenage, high school life, because you were with an older woman?

And then you grew up, and you felt angry because she'd caused you to miss out on the rest of your childhood? And you wondered if you hadn't been vulnerable, if she still would've done this?"

Jess sat a minute, thinking.

Then he said quietly, "You sound just like her. She said all that to me, Annie. She said that I was young, and didn't have life experience yet, and that when I grew up I might get angry with her for…for stealing my childhood, and for taking advantage of me when I was grieving. That's what she told me."

Jess wiped his eyes and looked up. "She was trying to protect me," Jess suddenly realized. "She wasn't trying to hurt me or leave me at all…she was protecting me." He looked stunned.

"How come it made sense to me when you said it, but not when she did?"

Annie brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Because when I said it, you're almost eighteen. When she said it, you were twelve. You couldn't understand it back then. All you could see was that you two were happy together. You were too young to have the clarity you have now. You're old enough now to understand the consequences of things. You're old enough to understand what might have happened- to _both_ of you- if the relationship had continued."

Jess nodded, letting that sink in.

"She left you, and you had a regular teenage life, doing all the stuff normal high school kids do. I think someday you'll be glad for that, Jess."

He nodded. Right now he knew he'd rather have spent the time with Miss Edmunds instead of going out with silly high school girls, but he figured that Annie was right: In years to come he would be glad he had had a normal life as a teenager.

"So what are you going to do?" Annie asked him.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked. He and Annie were sitting close, Jess's head resting on Annie's shoulder.

Annie said "Your teacher wanted you to live a normal life. Are you going to do that? You've held onto her in your heart for six long years. Now that you've finally opened up and talked about it, and realized why she did what she did, and realized that she did it for your own good, can you finally let her go? Can you move on and live a normal life?"

Jess said sadly, "What other choice do I have? I told you, she said she couldn't see me anymore. I just have to live with that."

Annie nodded. "Well…"

Jess looked at her. "She doesn't want to see me," he said sadly. "And it's been so long, why would she have put her whole life on hold and waited for me?"

Annie pursed her lips. "I suppose. It's been six years. She could be married by now. But….okay, look, Jess, I'm not advocating this. To be honest I think it's really wrong of her to even show attraction for you at that age. But what's done is done." Annie went on, "And if she's moved on and is dating someone or engaged or married, well, then she's moved on and you'll have to move on, too…but if she hasn't moved on, then….there's nothing stopping her from being with you now. I mean…we'll be done with high school soon, and your 18th birthday is the day after graduation. You're not really a kid anymore, at least not legally."

Jess felt as if the whole world became brighter all of a sudden. He smiled. "Yeah," he said, "Yeah."

Then he frowned. "It's been six years. I don't know if she…"

Annie tightened her arms around him. "Jess, you're my best friend, and I love you, and I'll support you whatever you decide to do. Personally, I think the teacher was wrong to lead you on when you were so young, and so I think the best thing to do would be just to try to move on with your life and not go back to her. But it's your choice. And if you decide to try to see her again, then you'll at least know for sure one way or another. If she's married, or if she's moved on, then you can start to move on too. And if she's not married and she wants to see you again, well, then you two can decide what to do from there."

Jess nodded. He already knew what he was going to do.

XX

Miss Edmunds was marking off the days until Jess's graduation.

She had bought a new dress - even though he wouldn't actually be seeing her at the graduation ceremony - and, she had picked out a gift for him, an expensive watch, and on the underside of the watch's face, she had had it engraved with his graduation date – even though she didn't know if she'd ever be able to give it to him.

She knew it was foolish to buy him a gift she may never give him.

What was even more foolish was that, in order to have the extra money to buy such an expensive watch, she had taken her great-grandmother's beautiful old diamond engagement ring into town and sold it. She felt terribly sad about losing the beautiful family heirloom, but she so desperately wanted to give Jess the beautiful watch.

She had _wanted_ to have the watch engraved with "_Love, Julia_", but she didn't, she thought it was safer to just stick with his graduation date and nothing else. If she was ever able to actually _give_ him the gift, it shouldn't say _"Love, Julia"_, because he might be with someone else by that time. She couldn't assume he would have waited for her.

Still, she was marking off the days.

XX

Jess's graduation was fast approaching, and his parents had been saving up to afford a really nice new suit for him to wear, even though it would be covered up by his graduation gown anyway, and even though they'd just bought him a tux for prom a couple of months prior.

On the day of graduation, Annie came over to Jess's house in her beautiful emerald green dress her parents had bought for her, and Jess put on his brand new suit, and Jess's mother took pictures of them.

Then they all drove to school together. The two sets of parents went to the auditorium where the graduation ceremony would be held, and Annie and Jess went back behind the curtain on the stage where the other graduates were waiting to be told what to do.

Someone handed out white caps and gowns to the girls, and green caps and gowns to the boys. After everyone was ready, the school secretary told them that they were to line up in alphabetical order, and she directed them in this.

Soon it was time.

Jess was one of the first few called, but Annie was closer to the end. They waved at each other in the line before they walked out to the auditorium.

The graduates walked in two straight rows through the auditorium, and sat down in the front. One by one they were called up to receive their diploma.

"_Jesse Oliver Aarons, Junior_." The principal called.

Jess's father clapped and clapped. His mother took picture after picture. May Belle and Joyce Ann cheered and whistled.

Jess grinned as he took his diploma. As he shook his principal's hand, he looked out over the crowd.

He froze.

His heart stood still.

For there, in the very back row, seeming as if she was trying to look invisible, was Miss Edmunds. It was far away, and she looked a little different, but Jess was absolutely certain it was her.

He would know her anywhere.

After a moment, he pasted his smile back on and left the stage, trying to act normal. But he couldn't. He kept trying to see back to the back of the auditorium to look for her, but he could only have seen it from the elevated height of the stage.

Once he realized he wouldn't be able to see her from where he sat, he focused back on the graduation.

When Annie was called, Jess's parents cheered and took pictures of her just as they had for him. They knew how important Annie was; how she was really his only friend.

Jess whistled as Annie received her diploma, and Annie turned and pretended to give him a mean look, which he laughed at.

Once all the graduated had received diplomas, the kids were called back onstage so their families could take a picture of the whole graduating class together. This time they still had to stand in rows, but they were allowed to stand anywhere they wanted. Jess and Annie stood together of course. Jess couldn't see Miss Edmunds from the stage this time, because all the parents were crowding around the stage to get pictures.

After a few minutes the principal said, "Okay, why don't we try a fun one now." And kids made rabbit ears on each other's heads, made funny faces at the camera, grabbed their friends and hugged them for the picture. Jess and Annie didn't make faces or rabbit ears, instead they just threw their arms around each other for the "fun one".

When parents finished and started to sit back down, Jess once again looked for Miss Edmunds. As he removed his arms from being around Annie, he saw her- rushing out of the auditorium as fast as she could.

"Wait!" Jess called desperately, even though there was no way she could have heard him over all the commotion.

"What's wrong?" Annie asked, turning to him.

"She was here. I saw her. She just ran out." Jess said frantically. "Annie, she was _here_."

Annie personally felt it was creepy for the woman to show up at his graduation after not seeing him for six years, but she didn't say so. Besides, who knew, maybe the woman wasn't even here to see Jess; maybe she knew someone else who was graduating.

Annie patted him on the shoulder and didn't say anything.

XX

Miss Edmunds ran out quickly.

Jess looked happy. Happy with another girl in his arms. Clearly he had moved on with his life. And so she would have to as well.

Miss Edmunds pushed the watch under the seat of her car where she wouldn't have to see it, and drove home. She had to pull over and stop the car once just to get a grip on herself and sort out her feelings.

What had she been thinking? It had been six years. Nobody would have waited on her that long. Miss Edmunds was about thirty years old now, and she had wasted her youthful years in her twenties dreaming of a boy too young to be hers. Now that he _was_ old enough, he had gone to another girl and she was alone. She had wasted all those years she could have found someone ele and been happy.

But the trouble was, she didn't _want_ to be happy. Not with someone else. She wanted to be happy with Jess, or else she would have to be alone and miserable. Nobody else would take his place. Her heart belonged to him, and if he had found someone else, then she was going to be alone. There was nothing else to do. Miss Edmunds drove on in silence, not allowing herself to cry.

XX

That afternoon, Jess's family had a graduation party for Jess and Annie together. It was also a combined birthday party, because Jess's 18th birthday was the following day.

Jess had Miss Edmunds on the mind, but he tried to enjoy his party and the time he was spending with Annie and their families.

The next day, his birthday, he just had a quiet day at home with his parents and sisters. Since they'd had a party the day before, they did not really celebrate or have a birthday cake, but Jess's mother fixed his favorite meal for dinner and he spent a relaxing day enjoying being with his family.

In the evening, he went into town and pawned the watch his father had passed down to him from his grandfather. He was sad to lose the watch, and he knew his father might be angry with him for it, but he had something he wanted to shop for, and he would be needing that money.

He decided to call the day after graduation, the day of his eighteenth birthday, his last day of childhood.

Because the next day, he was going to change his life.

XX

Early in the morning, a boy- still young, but much taller and stronger now than the little boy he used to be, walked over to the clearing in front of a music teacher's house. In his pocket was a small box.

He stood waiting at the door, a little nervous, but knowing that this was exactly what he wanted to do.

He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

He waited a few minutes, and then he heard footsteps in the hall. The door opened, and there stood Miss Edmunds, dressed in a pale yellow sundress, with a chipped coffee mug in her hand.

She stood, just staring at him, unable to say anything for a long time. Then finally, she stammered, "I…I don't know what to say,"

Jess smiled at her. "We could start with hello, and then take it from there."

"…Hello," Miss Edmunds said. She looked as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing, couldn't believe he was real.

"Hello." Jess repeated.

There was a short silence, then Jess spoke up again, "I saw you at my graduation."

Miss Edmunds looked down and flushed. "I'm…I'm sorry, I crossed a line. I know I should leave you alone. I hope that, despite my...uh, my advances…that you've been able to have a normal life. I promise, I won't bother you again."

She stepped back and started to close the door, but Jess put his hand out and stopped it.

Miss Edmunds looked afraid, as if she thought he had come to see her because he was angry with her. "Jess, I _know_ I did the wrong thing, trying to start a relationship with you back then. You were _so_ young, I don't know why I…anyway, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have invited you into my house to spend time alone with me, I shouldn't have kissed you, I…"

"Are you married now?" Jess interrupted her.

She shook her head, her big blue eyes startled.

"Engaged? Dating?" he continued.

Miss Edmunds took a deep breath. "To be honest I just haven't had much of an interest in anyone, Jess."

She left it at that.

"Why did you come to my graduation?" Jess asked.

"I wanted to see you," she said simply, in a quiet voice. "I hadn't seen you in so long, and I was so proud of you for graduating, and I just…I wanted to see you."

"But you ran away." Jess stated.

"Yes. I did. I…" Miss Edmunds struggled for words. "I realized that…you had moved on, and I needed to as well. You…you looked happy, up there, with your girlfriend, and it made me realize that I was holding onto false hope by coming to see you, and I just needed to move on."

"She's not my girlfriend, Miss Edmunds." Jess said. "She's my best friend, and she's wonderful, and I love her."

"So you're not dating her. But…you're hoping that she'll.." Miss Edmunds questioned, looking afraid.

"I'm hoping that she'll meet a wonderful guy someday and settle down with him and live happily ever after." Jess stated, looking straight into Miss Edmunds eyes.

"Oh." Miss Edmunds took a deep breath. Then she took another one. "_Oh_." She grabbed the door for support ad took a few more breaths. "I see." She finally said.

Jess went on. "Anyway, yesterday was my birthday, Miss Edmunds. I'm eighteen now. So, if I wanted to spend time with somebody, or if I wanted to fall in love with somebody, or even marry somebody someday, I could. I'm not a kid anymore."

Miss Edmunds looked into his eyes with her giant blue ones. She nodded slightly, not sure if she should even hope…

"So…you're…you're not angry with me?" she finally asked.

Jess shook his head. "I was angry with you, but not because I felt like you took advantage of me- only because you left me. But I finally understand _why_ you left me. It took a while for me to understand, but I'm old enough to get it now. You were trying to protect me from losing my childhood."

He took a step forward. "And I want you to know I did all the stuff you wanted me to do. I dated high school girls, I went to parties and dances, homecoming, and prom, movies and football games."

He took another step closer. "I had normal high school years, just liked you wanted. I did it. And now it's done, and I'm glad it's over. I couldn't even bring myself to hope that you would be waiting for me to grow up, I figured you had gotten married a long time ago. But all the time I couldn't help hoping."

He looked down. "Miss Edmunds, I don't know if you still want…I mean, if you still feel…look, I guess all I'm saying is that I'm _here_. That's all."

Jess looked as if he wanted to say more, but he wasn't going to because he didn't know if she even wanted him anymore.

"Jess," Miss Edmunds said, laughing a little. "Jess, it sounds so wrong, waiting all these years for you to grow up and be with me…but I _have_ been. I have been! I could never….I could never get you out of my mind, every decision I made, every place I went…I couldn't go out with anyone because I was waiting for you. I couldn't think of anyone else, because all the while you were there, growing up, and I…I had to wait on you. If you grew up and didn't want me, then…well, that's for you to decide, but…I _couldn't_ move on until I knew for sure. I've…I've been waiting for you, Jess."

Jess took a deep breath. "Then I know what I want to do."

He put his hand in his pocket for the box. "Miss Edmunds, I know I'm only eighteen and I haven't even been to college yet, and I don't have a job or a house or anything at all in the world to offer to you. But I promise, I'll go to college and I'll get a job and I'll do everything I can to make you happy."

Miss Edmunds eyes were beginning to shine. "Jess, I already have a house, this house, and you can go to college if you want to, and become a famous artist like you were always meant to be, and you don't have to do anything at all to make me happy because I don't think I could ever be happier than I am right now."

Jess took the box out and kneeled down on one knee. "Look, I know this is really sudden after we haven't seen each other in so long, and I mean, Miss Edmunds, I don't know if you'd ever want to marry me…like I said, I have nothing to offer you…but…we could wait a long time if you want to, we could wait for years and years, and that would be okay, because at least we'd be together. But I want to give you this now, because even if we wait for years and years, I…I want you to know that I love you, and that I want to be with you forever."

He opened the box and held it up to her. Inside, was her great-grandmother's beautiful diamond engagement ring.

Miss Edmunds couldn't believe it- the proposal and her ring- and tears began streaming down her face.

"Jess," she asked, helping him to his feet, "_Where_ did you get this?" She was crying and cradling the ring.

"Downtown, at the jewelry store. It was so beautiful, and it reminded me of you, and I wanted you to have it. Do you like it?"

Miss Edmunds took it out of the box and held it in her hand. "Jess, this belonged to my great-grandmother. It was her engagement ring."

Jess looked confused. "But I…"

Miss Edmunds shook her head. "I wanted to get you a nice graduation gift, Jess. I sold my ring at the jewelry store so I'd have the extra money."

Jess looked shocked.

Miss Edmunds cried and slipped the ring onto her finger. "Jess, I hated to give up this ring, but I wanted to give you something really nice for your graduation. I can't believe I have it back! But Jess, honey, how did you afford this? I know it's valuable…"

"I…" Jess began. Miss Edmunds looked worried, hoping he hadn't spent too much on her. Jess didn't want to tell her how he had gotten the ring, because she might feel bad. But he thought he better just tell her the truth. "I pawned my grandfather's watch," he said. "It was an antique, and I got enough money for it."

Miss Edmunds took her eyes off the ring for a moment and gave him a strange look. "Stay there a minute," she said, disappearing into the house.

She returned a moment later with a silver package. "Open it," she said.

"For your graduation," she told him. "That's what I sold the ring for."

Inside was the brand new, very expensive, engraved watch that Miss Edmunds had sold her ring to buy for Jess.

Jess was amazed. "It's like you knew I'd need a new watch."

"You wouldn't have needed a new watch if you hadn't sold yours to buy me this ring- the very ring I sold to buy you that watch!" Miss Edmunds told him.

They both laughed in spite of themselves, but Miss Edmunds still had tears running down her cheeks.

"I still haven't given you an answer, have I?" She asked.

She handed the ring back to him. He took it, looking crestfallen.

But she held out her delicate hand to him, and said, "Would you do the honors?"

Jess smiled- his real smile, the one that lit up the world- and slid the beautiful old ring onto her finger. After he did, they held hands, standing there in the doorway.

"So this means yes?" he asked.

Miss Edmunds smiled. "With all my heart."

They stepped forward together to embrace, and then- after six long years of waiting for each other, they shared a kiss.

Just then, the rain came pouring down on them, and even though they were standing outside on the porch, getting drenched, they didn't move. They just stayed in each other's arms, not caring about anything else around them.

Jess thought of their first kiss in the rain, so many years ago, and how he had once called that the happiest moment in his life. Now, that was nothing. Now he knew, without a doubt, that he'd always be with her, that nothing- not age, not time, not distance, would ever separate them again. _This_ was happiness.

He saw Miss Edmunds' hair, hanging wet around her face in the rain, and thought about how it had been six long years, but she was somehow even more beautiful to him than she had been before.

After a moment, they broke apart, their faces only inches from each other, and looked into each other's eyes, both smiling, both with shining eyes and happy tears streaming down their cheeks.

Jess smiled and breathed in the scent of her hair. "I love you Miss Edmunds." He said. It felt wonderful to finally be able to say it.

Miss Edmunds said in a whisper through smiling lips, "I love you too, Jess."

Then she pulled away, looking into his eyes and asked in a serious voice, "Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jess asked, concerned at her serious tone.

But Miss Edmunds laughed. She kissed him again, holding him close, and said with a smile, "I think you can start calling me Julia."

THE END….or, for Jess and Julia, _The Beginning_.


End file.
